I don't remember how old I was but I know it was from 15 or earlier, since I still lived with my mother. I started having suicidal thoughts on my birthday. I remember that to "celebrate" my mother took me out to a restaurant. I was so happy to have her attention that I let my guard down. She asked me questions about my brother, about the time he spent on the computer. I said the truth. When we got home, my mother went down to my brother in the cellar and she started yelling a

For years I knew there was something wrong with me but I couldn't figure out what. I know I felt like a ghost, even though I was interacting with people, because it was like I couldn't feel present in the moment. I had read about dissociation because I was determined to find a solution but I didn't think I had it. Years passed and the truth came out when I spoke to a trauma expert about my recurring nightmares. In recurring nightmares I was being abused and I couldn't react.